I wish that I knew what I know now...

So I've been at the library for about two months now, and as such, there are some life/work lessons that I'd like to impart to anyone who should stumble upon this...
Here's some of what I've learned.

-"Because I have a Master's degree in SCIENCE!" is not a valid excuse for making up answers to reference questions. Also, it is not true.

-The shelvers do not need roller skates.

-If I refer to them as my "Go to hell" shorts, they are probably not work appropriate.

-On a related wardrobe note: if asked what I'm wearing under my kilt, the only appropriate answer is "my sandals." Inappropriate answers include, but are not limited to: "nothing's worn, it's all in perfect working order," "look it up in the 611's," "ask your mother" and yelling "freedom!" at the top of my lungs.

-I will not hide in the book drop.

-The wands are for circulation purposes, not for waving at the patrons and muttering "silencio."

-Do not book talk Proust, not because it's long, but because: a. I haven't read it and b. 8 year-olds don't care.

-Even if I bring a guitar, "Albi, the Racist Dragon" won't fly in storytime.

bulletin board blues

So we've got these bulletin boards toward the back of our nonfiction section, right above our holiday books and I'm working on some ideas for decorations that will be able to stay up for a while. (We just took down our summer reading decorations.) Right now I'm thinking "Extra! Extra! Read all about it!" done with scrap newspaper and Ellison dies. After that I figure I can get away with only using one stone by tacking up information on where the kids can find our books with Dewey numbers, you know, "pets: 636-" that sort of thing. Luckily I'm still new enough to this to not realize that theme has probably been done to death.
That isn't to say I haven't had worse ideas...
"Juvenile Non-fiction: facts with pictures!"
"Area under construction, Dewey decimated it."
"Reference: the sky is blue because we say so."
or on a related note...
"How to know when your parents and teachers lied to you"
Though I think the best bad idea so far is still:
"Welcome to the library's Zero Wing. All your books are belong to us."
Bulletin boards for great justice.