Yes yes, new posts, about that...

To the question, "how have I been?" I think freakishly busy should be a good enough reply. In the time since my last post I have filled in for a while at my library's branches whereupon I did:

• A crap-ass attempt at a first storytime. (I have gone to state competitions for speech and debate, I have done Shakespeare in front of nuns as well as lead roles in other shows, I've pitched PR plans in front of companies, nothing prepares you for tanking in front of pre-schoolers.)
• Recover the next week to have those same kids eating out of my hand on a weekly basis for the next month and a half.
• Become slightly uncomfortable working circulation as an older patron checked out our entire collection of "guy in a kilt" trashy romance novels.
• Fall in love with an accent. For any of you who have never had the pleasure of meeting somebody from New Zealand, trust me, wow.
• Work alongside two phenomenal ladies who welcomed me with open arms when I had amazingly large shoes to fill as a substitute.
• Encounter some of the best patrons any public library system should hope to have.
• Get sent off at the end of my time there with a cookie cake, a big ol' sammich and a bottle of scotch.

Unfortunately, when I got back to the main branch, things had changed a bit. Due to what I can only think of as an epileptic fit on the part of organized labor, my position at the library has taken a turn south. As the union sees it, as a substitute I should not be able to do storytime, other children's programming, special projects around the library, or even work the desk on any regular basis. The only times I am permitted to work the desk are when one of the regular staff in the children's department is unable to. As such, I no longer have regular hours, but have to rely on other employees to take vacations. What makes this even more cute is that the day after this was decided, the director of our library system called me over to share something that had been mailed to her. Five of the local high-schoolers who would show up at one of our branches every Tuesday and Thursday after school had written her a letter asking that I be kept at that branch. As far as my job is concerned, I'm not sure I'll ever get a compliment quite like that.

Though it still doesn't take the sting out of the fact that I'm hunting for a second job right as the holidays are closing in on me.

I wish that I knew what I know now...

So I've been at the library for about two months now, and as such, there are some life/work lessons that I'd like to impart to anyone who should stumble upon this...
Here's some of what I've learned.

-"Because I have a Master's degree in SCIENCE!" is not a valid excuse for making up answers to reference questions. Also, it is not true.

-The shelvers do not need roller skates.

-If I refer to them as my "Go to hell" shorts, they are probably not work appropriate.

-On a related wardrobe note: if asked what I'm wearing under my kilt, the only appropriate answer is "my sandals." Inappropriate answers include, but are not limited to: "nothing's worn, it's all in perfect working order," "look it up in the 611's," "ask your mother" and yelling "freedom!" at the top of my lungs.

-I will not hide in the book drop.

-The wands are for circulation purposes, not for waving at the patrons and muttering "silencio."

-Do not book talk Proust, not because it's long, but because: a. I haven't read it and b. 8 year-olds don't care.

-Even if I bring a guitar, "Albi, the Racist Dragon" won't fly in storytime.

bulletin board blues

So we've got these bulletin boards toward the back of our nonfiction section, right above our holiday books and I'm working on some ideas for decorations that will be able to stay up for a while. (We just took down our summer reading decorations.) Right now I'm thinking "Extra! Extra! Read all about it!" done with scrap newspaper and Ellison dies. After that I figure I can get away with only using one stone by tacking up information on where the kids can find our books with Dewey numbers, you know, "pets: 636-" that sort of thing. Luckily I'm still new enough to this to not realize that theme has probably been done to death.
That isn't to say I haven't had worse ideas...
"Juvenile Non-fiction: facts with pictures!"
"Area under construction, Dewey decimated it."
"Reference: the sky is blue because we say so."
or on a related note...
"How to know when your parents and teachers lied to you"
Though I think the best bad idea so far is still:
"Welcome to the library's Zero Wing. All your books are belong to us."
Bulletin boards for great justice.

Act II: the end of summer

-In which I feel evil, give a desk attendant at the local hospital something to tell her friends, and probably make an advertising executive really happy.
So I'm outside the coffee house, a bus goes past with an ad on the side for the local hospital, it reads "When it comes to babies, we deliver!"
Out comes the phone, in goes the number, through goes the call...

"******** Hospital, how may I direct your call?"
"Hi, I'm calling regarding an ad on one of your buses concerning your new services"
"Which of our new services would that be, sir?"
"Well, the baby delivery part"
"Sir, we've been capable of providing quality care in that department for quite a while now."
"Ok, good to know, see, I live out on Arrowhead Ave. and I was getting a bit tired of ordering pizzas all the time, what's the average time on a delivery?"
"Well, from start to finish sir, usually about nine months"
"Wow, I'd imagine it might get cold by that point, I was hoping to have one delivered to my area in the half-hour range, that won't be possible?"
"...Ok, who the hell is this?"
"Nevermind, miss, Chinese it is then, you have a good night."

I love this town.

Writing again

So I think working in a room full of books is starting to have some sort of osmosis effect on me. Tonight I managed to sit down and tap out the first pages of what I hope turns into a nice little short story. This is pretty much the first time in a year that I've had the chance to get some writing in for my own sake and not an instance of PR student flackery. Even that, short of the poetry open mics, I think the last time I finished something of any length was the children's story I did back in High School. If only "The Adventures of Bi-Polar Bear and Olive Ewe" was entirely age appropriate for me to read at work. Still for the possible one or two people that may read this, do me a favor and ride my ass to keep working on this.

Oh yeah, and a random thought while nursing a beer, after the term "resting on your laurels" was coined, does that by default mean that Emperors and Olympians get asshats?

Poolside Story-time update:

Today I got to introduce 50 impressionable young minds to the work of Syd Barrett.
I love my job.

Back online!

And it's official, I now have the nerdiest wireless network on the block. Other folks have their address or names like "pimphouse," and what do I call mine? "Dukedom large enough."
(What do you expect, it's been storming a lot here lately!)